Hoodoos
For my 25th birthday (2016), I took a 3 week roadtrip. I had a National Parks pass and a brand new Subaru. My best night was on the eve of my birthday, in Bryce Canyon. I hiked around on a perfect day before weather moved in during the evening.
I was in my tent when the wind picked up and it started snowing. I was contemplating sleeping in my car when I got a call from my dad. I tucked into my sleeping bag and answered the phone, hoping it would muffle the sound a bit.
It didn't. My parents asked about the noise and I told them it was windy and snowing, hoping they would convince me to sleep in my car. They didn't.
My dad asked the most unsafe scenario-- which was mainly me not sleeping well. Then he said something like "Y quien te manda? Por eso estas alli. Aguantate. Como vas a correr asi nomas por miedo?" It translated to "Well who sent you out there? You're there to be uncomfortable, and now you're going to back down? If you're safe, why are you going to quit?”
Even my mom said something like "Tu tanteate. Si te aguanta la casita alli quedate y asegurate bien." It translates to "Feel it out. If the tent supports you still, just make sure you're safe."
That night, I realized that my parents know me better than I thought they did. They had never camped, or backpacked, or been to a national park yet, or even been in that weather. I didn’t grow up exposed to “ourdoor recreation” the way most people think about it— but my parents knew why I was there.
I’ve been thinking about self-efficacy a lot. I think it’s an undervalued trait that exists in a lot immigrant families. We learn to balance goals, experience, and awareness. This, to me, is an example where it comes through. My parents came to the US to make things happen, and I’m here pushing that legacy.
After my snowy morning, I sat and stared at these snow covered hoodoos and thought about how they looked like the day before. I wondered about the storms that shaped them each into who they are. This memory grounds me when I start feeling scared.
Whatever storm comes, I’ll have to trust my judgement, and trust that I have support to ground me. That’s what’ll transform me into something more beautiful.
