I didn’t go climbing this weekend

I decided not to go rock climbing this weekend.

I had been so busy that Memorial Day snuck up on me, and I got eager to go on a last minute trip. I paused and asked myself why I was so eager. My answers were based on the feelings that I SHOULD. I should go because that’s what a REAL climber would do, and I want to be a real climber.

That’s not a good enough answer for me, so I took some time to unpack the imposter fears that were creeping in.

Next, I asked myself what I wanted to invest energy in. My dissertation ideas. I had been in a rut and was craving time to let myself go down all the rabbit holes related to my projects. I spent 6 hours doing just that on Saturday, then 6 hours again yesterday, and plan to do the same thing today.

I don’t have any climbing first ascents, but I imagine this is what it is like. It’s fixating on that area that’s calling you, getting all the beta, working through every detail, applying your own skills and knowledge, coming up with a plan, then figuring out how to make it go.

I am a climber. I’m also a scientist. I find joy doing research and there are so many parallels between climbing mountains and doing innovative experiments. I may not have climbed outside this weekend, but I made major progress toward one of the biggest summits of my life.