The impact of secure masculinity

We come from a machista culture. We know it can plague households, destroy men, murder women, punish queer people, and dehumanize the Disabled. We’ve learned to recognize toxic masculinity in an instant and have spent our entire lives surviving in it. It’s because we know toxic masculinity so well, that we can also recognize secure masculinity.

Men that are secure in their masculinity hold other men accountable when they disrespect their wives, sisters, daughters, nieces, or anyone else with less social power.

Secure masculinity means encouraging women to be self-sufficient and hold her own in case she ever needs to fend for herself.

It means supporting women in leaving their abusive partners, even if it stirs gossip or breaks religious tradition.

It means loving your Disabled and non-disabled children unconditionally.

It means letting your queer relatives exist as whoever they were meant to be.

It means crying in front of your family, hugging them often, and normalizing vulnerability.

It means listening to the people around you and using your privilege to support them.

Secure men break oppressive cycles that can ripple and have a significant impact thousands of miles away.

I am eternally grateful for all the secure men in my life that have empowered me to be the fierce woman that I’m turning out to be.

Rocky Mountain National Park. July 2016.